What is The Pork Agenda?

As far as conspiracy theories go, this does not quite inspire the mystique of the alien autopsies and Templar riches. One could even make the argument that the alleged Walt Disney cryogenic lab would make a better movie plot. Yikes.

"Enough already with the comparisons, what the sam-fuck is a Pork Agenda?"

In summary, we believe that the food industry has been exposing us to morsels of porkmeat in small amounts. Their motives are unclear, but the results are demoralizing to say the least. Hunks of pig meat have been showing up places that pork does not belong, ie: Minestrone soup, egg rolls, garden salad (wtf?), clam chowder, turkey sausages (WTF!? x2) etc.

"BUT PROK IS TNASTY AND GOOD 4 U!!!!1 Y DONT U LIEK IT!? R U A TERORIST????"

We did not give up eating pork for religious reasons, check the stats! Pork is generally higher in fat and salt than any other animal proteins. We also found that the natural taste of pig meat, all sauces/seasoning aside, was unappetizing. And let's not forget, it has been said that pork is assumed to taste similar to human flesh.

"I love bacon and I think you're wrong. I eat bacon and ham and pork chops all day, mmm!"

Very good, but we are not telling you what to eat. The whole point of this project is to get people into a mindset of critical thinking when it comes to their food. You may be happy as a pig in shit eating ribs for dinner, but what about your fruity boyfriend who ordered a salad? Did he specify that he wanted hunks of pig meat hidden amongst the vegetables? Probably not.

Currently, we have begun research into this debacle and we will prepare a full report on our findings. Please leave us a note and stop by frequently for updates.

disclaimer: If you have a hard time detecting blatant satire, this might not be as good a chuckle for you as it is for everybody else. Might we recommend a good colouring book?