Before I drop the bomb, allow me to give you a quick profile of my friend: He is a 21 year old kineseology student, well spoken and reasonably intelligent. One would assume that this individual could discern the difference between animal proteins, and distinguish between the ungulate and avian orders of animalia. In this case, that assumption would be too bold.
As the discussion progressed, I noticed one of his eyebrows peak inquisitively; a precautionary gesture to his interrogative blunder.
"Is turkey pork?" he asked. I paused, half expecting a "just kidding!", or perhaps a plucky punchline. The query floundered starkly, awaiting a response. I'll admit, I was flustered. I could hardly draw my pistol of scorn out of its holster!
It could have been several seconds before I piped up, it felt like 5 minutes. "No, turkey is turkey. Pork is pigmeat."
What a face-palm moment. Turkey is a delicious, edible bird. Pigs are foul, disgusting, sacks of grime with hooves. The two could not be further apart. This is a problem that pines for a simple, comprehensive solution. Being proactive on the anti-pork front, I've come up with a little tool to help these poor wretches.
If you have difficulties distinguishing swineflesh from actual food, here is a quick checklist you can follow to help you!
- Is there a strange, unpleasant odour to the meat?
- Does the packaging include an illustration/photograph of a pig?
- Are flies instantly attracted to the meat and/or its residues?
- Is the meat in question greyish-pink, and considerably slimier than other meats?
- Is it in slightly curved, dick-like sausage format?
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